Well the time has come, time for radiation to begin. Tomorrow marks the day when we begin the toughest journey of our marriage. We have been through so much together, but this will be the biggest test of all. We are ready, ready as we can be anyways. I have stopped reading up on positives and negatives for the most part. I am trusting that my husband will be strong and withstand this demon with all his might, while I give the support that is needed. His will astounds me everyday and I am just amazed by his strength. I can tell that he is enjoying his "easy" time before this wretched treatment begins. He still insist on putting Grace to bed every night, they play on the ipad or listen to classical music. I sometimes hear them just talking with each other. I would never interrupt this time they have just to themselves because that would be just selfish of me and on the other hand, it is a nice little break for mommy time.
The support we have from close friends is amazing. Sometimes I feel like he is being robbed of support from his Canadian family being so far away, but he feels and knows how much they love him and stand beside him in this fight. My family here in the states, well lets just say we are not very close and sometimes one chooses not be. Sometimes, no matter what, some things cannot be forgotten nor forgiven. People say you should always forgive, but I don't believe that crap for a minute. Either you are a good human, or you just suck and the planet would be better off without you. I am not bitter by no means, life is what it is. My mother, husband and children are my life and that is fine with me.
Neil has been feeling really well lately, he had surgery a few weeks ago and is in physical therapy right now. The surgeon said it was a success and what ever microscopic cancer cells may be left will be taken care of with the radiation. He has been working as much as possible, that is not a surprise. Neil takes alot of pride in his work and feels a great obligation in doing so. Not many companies would be so appreciative of an employee, most I would say would have kicked him to the curb a long while ago. Mashburn Equipment have been just great to us, so understanding and caring, it makes our family feel gracious to say the least, they are one of the reasons this has not been a total devastation to our lives.
On another note, besides gearing up for this radiation, my mom has been battling problems of her own. She has been struggling with weight loss, heart palpitations and things of that nature for the past several months. A few days ago I was called by her dr's office to take her straight to the hospital where she would be directly admitted for heart tests. After doing tests and exams, they have concluded that she will need a triple bypass...yes open heart surgery. My mom will be undergoing this surgery on the same day as #1 radiation treatment for Neil. I feel like a strong woman, but how does on deal with this, being a mom, being a boss, trying to go back to school and be the best caregiver to 2 great people in her life. Well people, I guess we shall see, cause dammit I am gonna do it. Two very important people in my life need me and I will be there for both. I am going to be more unselfish than I have ever been in my life and give of myself more than ever before!
I will update on my fight, my husbands, and mothers another day, till them people....keep on keeping on!
