Holding it down

Well here we are, 3 weeks into radiation and immunotherapy.  It is absolutely scary to see your love crumbling to this awful disease.  Don't get me wrong, Neil is like super man to me, even now he is stronger than I could ever dare to be, but in different ways I think.  To deal with this disease just on an emotional level takes an iron will in my opinion.   I can see, hear, and feel the changes happening and it's not even me taking it "all" on. 

First week of therapy which includes radiation of the head and neck and also immunotherapy was definately an eye opener of more to come.  He breaks out in a severe rash across his face and is already struggling with nausea.  Week 2 is more radiation, but a break from the chemo to start antibiotics to get the rash under control.  The rash is like very severe sunburn mixed with acne...definately not pretty.  Week 3 is radiation and back to the chemo, and hopefully after the antibiotics the rash will not be as severe(so far so good).

Neil is really starting to struggle with his appetite and  even worse pain that is coming on strong at this point.  He still holds strong to his will and is fighting this thing with all he has got.  I suppose everyone has their breaking point though, it is getting way to difficult to put all the calories and protein he needs to help him fight in by mouth, so next week he will ask about the dreaded feeding tube.

It's funny these days with what Neil is dealing with for me to even complain about the simplest little things, like headaches and such...but yes I still do and he knows I am a whiner, so he is ok with it.   I am thankful that my mom is here healing from her own illness, it gives me peace of mind while working to know that they are not totally alone. 

I feel the need to be at work more than ever these days.  I know you think it would be the opposite, but I am going to get as much of it in as I can, there may be lots of days coming that he will not be able to go at it alone.  I love work, love the kiddos, and love my staff.  Grace would not know what to do with herself if she could not go to the Y with mommy.  I feel like it is the best thing at this point to keep the house quiet for healing purposes, my longing to be near  the ones I love will just have to wait. I make up the hugs double time when I get home!  School could start a little sooner, that would be great, but for now we have work and yes people I have a great job, a job my child gets to enjoy as much as I do everyday.  I feel so very lucky, blessed, and all that good stuff. 

I can't help but feel like we are winning this battle together and as much as I hate this disease that is trying to take my love, I love having another experience that only draws us closer.  We are the best of friends, and he is a bright spot in my life every single day.