no sushi, rare beef or runny eggs...

My brain! Where's my brain?!  I find myself having arrived at work, but cannot recall the drive at all, that is actually kind of scary.  I walk out to the laundry room without first getting the clothes to put in the washer.  I noticed Neil had parked differently in the drive way yesterday, but failed to notice the new basketball goal he put up(I had requested a new one, there is something about Spring that makes me wanna play).  I trust my brain will return to me shortly, for now it's just in hiding. 


We had an appointment with the dietition today, no sushi, rare beef or runny eggs for Neil!  He told the lady that was worse than hearing he would have to undergo chemo, with a chuckle of course.  The tonsilectomy put a halt to eating for him, I think we bought every can of mushroom soup that Wal-Mart had!  Between that and now having to have teeth pulled before chemo he is well on his way to losing that 15 pounds he wanted off.  Neil and I have decided to keep our wicked sense of humour about us throughout this fight.


I am just amazed by the people that we surround ourselves with on a daily basis.  Our friends and family are really rallying behind us right now and I know they will be there giving my family the push it needs to carry through this.  Let me just say this, if you ever have the opportunity to become involved with a YMCA, do it!  Do it for yourself and do it for others.  My Y is part of my family and we all benefit from it each day.  I cannot even describe how incredible Neil's work family is, but I will say this....thank you with my deepest sincerity for everything that you have done and are doing for our family.


Neil told me the other day that he is looking at this as a gift and this is going to bring about needed changes in him.  I have been thinking about this and he is right(naturally...lol), in alot of ways this is a second chance, to one up ourselves in daily life.  We are going to hang out with cancer survivors on Sunday at a Relay for Life event and this is just the beginning!

7 days...

I am pretty sure if I wanted to I could get into the Guiness Book of Records for longest time crying.  I am also pretty sure that is the way alot of people feel when a diagnosis like this comes.  I am actually doing really well, don't get me wrong, it doesn't take much to get me goin.  I find myself thinking about little things I am thankful for everyday, this I feel is good.  "I am gonna miss you", that is what I said to Neil earlier today while we were grocery shopping, he asked "why".  In 7 days Neil starts 9 weeks of chemo, followed by 7 weeks of chemo/radiation combo, he is not going to be my husband during this time.  I will be Mommy and Daddy while he helps his body help the drugs that are going to get rid of this disease.  Friends say it affects everyone differently, but instead of being my optimistic self, I will be what Neil calls "realistic".  I am scared, this is going to be the most difficult thing I have ever been through all while being a strong wife and mother per Neil's request.  I am gonna miss him being him, it's that simple.  We are spending these 7 days prepping ourselves, the kids, the house, and anything and anyone else that may be affected.  Gracie understands as much as a 5 year old can.  Brent being 14 is a little bit more tricky, it's hard to guage true feelings with his age, he seems upset, but not willing to go in depth and I will not push it.   Tomorrow is picture day for Grace, she already has her outfit picked out, and I am betting she will want Daddy to fix her hair....thats right....she is such a Daddy's girl!

and so it begins...

When a loved one is diagnosed with cancer you are devastated, and somewhat confused.  One morning just like any other, we woke up, had coffee, got the little one up for school and started to get ready for our day.  Turns out this was not like any other morning, this was the morning that Neil felt the tumor on his neck for the first time.  He had not been feeling well anyways, so upon feeling this mass on his neck he decided it was time to go to the doctor.  The doctor gave him some medicine for upset stomach and some antibiotics to see if the mass would go down.  We will fast forward to now, Neil has squamous cell  carcinoma of the head and neck with an unknown primary source.  This diagnosis was reached by many different doctors, tests, and even a tonsilectomy.  In only 5 weeks, my world(well this is my blog right?!) has been turned on it's head.  It is a numb feeling, and honestly I just want someone to shake me, wake me, and tell me I have been having a nightmare.   This blog is coming on this journey with me, I will put my feelings here and let everyone know what it's like on "The Wifes Side".